grief
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I love knowing the God of the bible. He teaches me that I don’t have to “be enough.” That I don’t have to “be good.” That I am encouraged to cry, scream, break stuff if I need to. Why? So I don’t keep bottled up in me my confusion from the past, the hurt of…
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I entered adult life lame. I was weak and fell behind the others around me. I married my first husband at 18 to get away from my parents. He, of course, was a classic abuser and royal asshole. My attempts to keep myself and my children safe around him, never seemed to work. I was…
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As a child, the first thing we learn when coming through childhood tragedies is to remain quiet. Don’t tell is the very first rule we are given. The problem is we did see, we did hear and we still didn’t tell. If we are ever going to change our pasts, we have to break the…
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There is a saying that “Jesus was born to die.” If Jesus was born to die, I was birthed to suffer. I don’t recall a day in my childhood that didn’t have suffering in it. Maybe I had moments where I enjoyed something – an ice cream, a bike ride, but there was always embedded…
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When we learn to articiulate what our abuse took from us, we can grieve appropriately and begin to heal. If we sit in a muck of undiscovery, never articulating what we feel, we stay stuck, unhealed and a stranger to ourselves. Why discuss it? If you were a child when these sexual crimes happened to…
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If people with good childhoods get to tell their story and hang onto their past, why don’t those of us with bad upbringings get the same privilege? Everyone around me gets the privilege of recalling & telling childhood memories – except for me. Everyone reminisces about the stuff that made them who they are –…
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Convict as a verb means to find or prove to be guilty. Usually this is in a court of law before a judge and jury. What if your case never makes if before a judge and jury? The lack of conviction is devastating in the life of victims. Most victims of childhood crimes rarely seek…
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Have you ever considered yourself a winner? You should! It was a great victory to make it out of childhood abuse. That acheivement should be celebrated. By looking at ourselves *(YOU SEE YOU), we can find the treasures hidden in our lives — and we have many. By focusing on those that hurt us through…
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I can have anger and not hate. I can love and not forgive. I can forgive and leave. The older I get the more I realize that life is about balance. Coming thru such severe childhood trauma I often get stuck in an off-balance kind of place — everything is good or everything is bad.…