recovery
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Traversing childhood traumatic experiences leaves my soul wandering sometimes. It is as if it took all the stillness out of my being. Relearning? Relearn what? I was never taught anything about stillness. Sure, I had to sit still. I had to be calm for my father, but stillness – internally, you know the thing that…
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Suicide is a funny gift I used to analyze from time to time. It seemed to me a reckoning that my soul longed for. I’m not sure why that is but I knew I had an agonizing pain and I wanted it to stop at all costs. Seemed to me that death would end it…
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I don’t blog like you because my calling looks different.
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When you leave abusive, incestuous homes, not only are you on auto-pilot but your mind becomes vacant and void. I always felt like I merely stumbled from one situation to another. That’s why I held onto relationships at all costs, because I was terrified to be alone. I didn’t trust myself and without my story…
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When I can’t hear the music, I know it’s time for me to stop in life and regroup. There was never a time of reprieve in the home I was born into. There was chaos and abuse on the daily. A time to reflect and be still just couldn’t be found. After I left my…
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I had a fantastic counselor. I’ll refer to him as Red. Red helped guide me into change. I reflect often on the lessons I’ve learned with him and would not hesitate to call him if I needed his loving guidance again. I’ve been with him for over 15 years. He may be the longest, constant…
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I have often wondered if God is guilty of neglecting me? What sin did I do to cause the abuse and pain that was shot into my life when I was born? What atrocity had I done, when at 18, I married a man to find freedom from my prison – only to receive another…
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Suicide is a funny gift I used to analyze from time to time. It seemed to me a reckoning that my soul longed for. I’m not sure why that is but I knew I had an agonizing pain and I wanted it to stop at all costs. Seemed to me that death would end it…
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Another disturbing parcel through this healing journey has been others preconceived opinions of me that are not based on reason or knowledge of my experiences. I’ve learned that ultimately their opinion doesn’t matter, but that took some time. How do folks get so judgmental? The stronger question to me is, “Why do they want to…
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It’s a buzz word but what does it mean? The very definition of the word doesn’t really work for me. Recovery is returning to a normal state of health, mind, or strength. What’s normal? What exactly am I returning to? My entire life is not something I want to return to and returning to whose…