I sat against the wall perched on my bed now in darkness. Mangled shadows danced all around me, mocking any peace I could try to find. I could not close my eyes to the monstrous darkness. I just could not. I simply stared at the door. Possibly in anticipation of someone coming to find me, or, more likely, someone else coming to hurt me.
I spent many hours with these memories. I chatted with my therapist about why I continued to see that hallway. The scene wouldn’t leave my mind’s eye.
Finally, in fully kindness and authority, Redmond spoke these words that released that memory. “Jodie, you have to tell that little girl that no one is coming.”
That broke my heart again, but it set that moment free for me. As I’d waited that night in 1968 for the morning light to peak its glorious head through my curtains, I learned I was still waiting, the only difference was that I could now let go of that hope.
No one was ever coming. But at last, I could rest.
From the book A Prisoner by No Crime fo My Own, Chapter 17, Murder – A Flip Book
Don’t believe the lie that you are in a secret love affair with them. That you somehow found love in the childhood sexual abuse that you didn’t have somewhere else. That’s a lie. They didn’t even like you. When you like someone, you don’t treat them that way. Period!
Leave a Reply