If I could sit with my younger self, I’d tell her to breathe. You were trying to be the hyper-independent woman the culture told you to be, as if needing nothing and no one would make you strong.
You bought every promise feminism sold about freedom and self-creation, so you kept reinventing yourself, hoping the next version would finally feel real.
Meanwhile you were running. The late nights, the noise, the distractions, the constant motion. It all looked like confidence, but it was just escapism dressed up as empowerment. You tried to outrun the emptiness with entertainment and drugs and habits that numbed more than they healed.
I’d tell you that the voice you kept ignoring was the one you needed most. God was tugging on you even when you didn’t have the language for it. Every time you felt restless, or lonely in a crowded room, or strangely hollow after a “win,” that was Him signaling that you were building your life on sand.
I’d remind you that the desires you buried weren’t embarrassing. You always wanted a rich inner life, a faithful home, real love, and a purpose that went beyond self-promotion. None of that made you small-minded or old-fashioned. Those longings were planted in you on purpose. Trying to silence them only made you feel fractured.
I’d tell you to stop trying to impress a world that doesn’t love you and never will. You were made to live under God’s gaze, not the culture’s spotlight. When you center your life around Him, everything else stops feeling so chaotic.
I’d tell you to seek out women who walk with wisdom. Women who fear God, who have lived enough life to speak plainly, who don’t romanticize chaos. You thought maturity meant doing everything alone. In reality, it meant letting yourself be shaped by people who knew what you didn’t.
And I’d tell you this most of all: the life you secretly wanted was never too simple or too naive. It was honest. It was aligned with who you were created to be. God wasn’t calling you to shrink. He was calling you to stand in a different light.
If I could talk to you then, I’d say this clearly: build your life on God’s truth, not the world’s script. Everything you were chasing comes from Him anyway.
B🤍
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