I have been released from living in the prison of pain. I am no longer obligated to a family that served me great harm. I feel no burden to return to my past and I am not obliged to the destruction I used to serve.
With that being said, I have learned that I walk on with my scars. I cannot leave those behind, although I want to.
I had a full hip replacement surgery and it worked very well. I am pain free in that hip now. The scar remains.
That is how it works in matters of the heart, too. While my heart is not encased in the pain it once felt, that does not remove the scars of a life birthed in pain. The agony that ravaged my life in childhood, the abuse my body took year after painful year, that left its mark.
When I’m triggered, I now know that’s a scar.
When fear tries to find me, I know that’s a scar.
When I start to feel God is going to abandon me as my family did, I know that’s a scar.
I want to show up without the scars of my yesterday. I simply cannot.
I am living a life well lived now but the scars do remain. That is just brutal honesty.
My prayer is that the one reading this finds comfort in my journey, and solace in my peace as it is being offered in love.
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