Moments of reflection — what better way to start a week.
I have been dealing with chronic physical pain for about three years now. To fix the pain, I had a full hip replacement. I thought the surgery was going to provide immediate relief. The problem – I live with severe PTSD. A childhood wrought with murder, confusion, and constant physical, emotional and sexual abuse left its course surging through my veins.
You know what I just learned? That chronic physical pain can trigger PTSD. After the surgery the pain was intense. It landed me in a severe PTSD reactive state. I wish I had my good counselor on board with me for times like these.
Research suggests a connection between chronic pain and PTSD, but the prevalence of PTSD in people with chronic pain varies widely. For example, 15% to 35% of patients with chronic pain also have PTSD, while only 2% of people who do not have chronic pain have PTSD. The pain may serve as a reminder of the traumatic event, which can make the PTSD worse.
National Center for PTSD
I wish I had researched this before going into surgery. I came out of surgery and my block wore off rather quickly. The pain was enormous. Fighting tears I was reminded that I could get out of that room with my mind — a skill I learned in childhood. When my little three-year-old body was being intensely damaged, I learned to leave my body. That skill served me well in that hospital room, too.
The problem — my PTSD went into a reactive state as well. The ensuring days were tough.
Just because I use the word healed today doesn’t mean that the residual side-effects are gone. I wish that were true but it isn’t.
If I didn’t have a great big God to cling to, I’d be taken over again and again by my past. Gumption, faith and determination simply cannot remove PTSD.
I’m thankful for my relationship with a God who is close. One that I know will never walk out on me and shut the door. Rather, he curls up beside me and whispers, “I understand, Jodie. You’re safe now. I will never leave you or forsake you.”
And in his loving arms I’ll safely stay for eternity.
The Pedophile Huntress 