Fear Not Friday | Collapse

Have you ever had those days where you just wanted to fall down? Absoluetely collapse? I certainly have. Many days.

Guess what I did? I’d run until I had to collapse. But, collapse I had to do. I just don’t always have the strength life takes. I didn’t always have the answers for the pain stirring in my soul. I certainly didn’t have the answers to life, healing or love but I was trying.

I can remember many nights after drinking way too much, I’d come home alone, crawl into bed, grab my bible and pray. My prayer was always something like this, “I’ve done all I can do today father. I’m scared. I’m lonely. I have nothing left to give to this day. Watch over me as I try to go into a night’s sleep. Please no nightmares. Don’t let a prowler come through the window and harm me. And, please dear God, keep my children safe. I can’t take any more right now.” Amen

Then, and only then, could I collapse.

I do have to say that I collapse easier these days. Long before I’m out of natural fuel or long before my soul begins to deteriorate through bad choices, I try to find a rest place. Maybe it’s not a collapse now because I find the strength I need before it’s all gone. My pain is also much, much less than it used to be.

Pain is a hard balancing act and sometimes you just can’t balance at all through it. That’s okay too. God knows. He is looking at your heart — not always your choices. I know. He’s done that for me time and time again.

Go ahead and collapse. God’s got you! He will get you back on your feet again.